Bless my Soul
by loveandsqualor
Summary: After his father's death, Chuck's life begins to fall apart. What happens when he finds out Lily has given birth to a little Bass girl, and asked him to be the baby's Godfather? Please, R&R. Chuck & Blair, of course. Rated T for safety.
1. Chapter 1

So, I must clarify something: I'm not a huge Gossip Girl fan. I'm just madly in love with Chuck and Blair, and after watching 2x13 the idea of writing a fanfic for them seemed really appealing...

So, I actually sat my ass down and wrote this first chapter. Please be kind, this is my first GG fanfic and my second fanfic in English (I'm from Argentina).

I hope you enjoy it.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any of the characters, except for the ones you can't recognise from the show.

* * *

**Chapter I**

Chuck had really planned on disappearing from the Upper East Side and never returning again. What was the point in trying to pretend everything was alright when he had hurt everyone he cared for?

Chuck found a hard time trying to forget the look of sheer disappointment and sadness in Eric's eyes when he yelled at him that they weren't related. Eric, apart from Blair, was the only person around who had trusted him completely, and confessed his most disturbing secrets to him without fearing they will become the hottest scoop for Gossip Girl. He really did care for the boy, and he regretted the way in which he had treated him. He deserved better.

And so did Blair. Why would Blair Waldorf want to be with him, of all people? A little bitter orphan who didn't have the guts to confess to his love for her? He walked out in the middle of the night, still longing for the comfort of her warm, cushy embrace, as the cold Manhattan air hit his face, like Lily's hand when she slapped him, only hours ago. He felt lonely, isolated, miserable, neglected, and guilty. Guilty for his parent's death, guilty for having spoken to Lily like that, guilty for everything that had happened.

Everyone had tried to contact him since he had left, from Blair to that hideous Daniel Humphrey, but he had deliberately chosen not to answer any of their calls, not willing to provide them with any information on his whereabouts. He almost wished he would die, but he didn't have the courage to do that himself. So, he just spend his days laying in a haze of smoke, gulping Scotch as water and pretending the rest of the world didn't exist.

Until that one letter from his uncle arrived. He was the only one who knew where he was hidden. Like his departed brother, he was also into hiring PIs and keeping track of his family members' movements and actions.

He opened the envelope while sitting on his hotel bed.

So, Lily had given birth to a Bass girl. Victoria Charlotte Bass. A pompous, ridiculous name for a creature that had arrived into the world under the most unpleasant circumstances. She was to be baptised within two weeks, and his presence was required. He ought to meet his sister and officiate as her Godfather. What did they think? That he was going to fly home just because they wanted him to be someone's Godfather? Why hadn't they chosen Rufus or even Daniel, who would teach the spawn honest habits and surely suit Lily's taste better than a Bass?

Because it was clear Lily preferred Humphreys to Basses. He rose from the bed and headed towards the bathroom, his footsteps shaky, unsteady. He looked at himself in the mirror, the dark circles around his eyes, his dilated pupils and strikingly prominent cheekbones. He was thinner than before, and he appeared at least ten years older; his life had been a downward spiral to self destruction ever since he had left New York.

He closed his eyes firmly, trying to dissipate the massive head ache he was suffering due to the effects of the huge amount of alcohol he had consumed the night before. Even the dim light coming from the bulb was bothering him, his eyes over sensitive to any form of illumination- - he had never felt like this before. Despite his reputation as a bad-nearly alcoholic-boy, his drunkenness seldom ended up in such pathetic conditions. Only one or twice had he really out limited his levels of tolerance, but it was easily fixed by ingesting coffee and mac and cheese and several visits to the bathroom.

He knew no matter how hard he tried, even if he eventually cleaned his system from any trace of alcohol, the oppressing feeling of emptiness, meaninglessness in his chest would not go away easily. Maybe it was to accompany him during his entire life, colouring his days with a dark shadow of hollowness and gloom. Memories of his father haunted him. The last words they had said to each other, face to face, still hurt. Chuck also knew his father had not meant them to be his goodbye words, but still… he had made one stupid mistake letting Eric have a look at those files, and he was condemned to ostracism by his own progenitor?

What he hated the most was the fact that he never had the chance to explain himself. His father just walked away whenever he felt the conversation was over, when he considered he had made himself clear, always leaving him without a chance to reply to his frequently unfair accusations. And to think that just days before he passed away there had been a small chance of bonding with him, a prospect of communion, a glimmer of hope to an acceptably healthy father and son relationship… how innocent of him, to believe things could actually get better between them. His death had only resumed the impossibility of a connection with him. And he had loved him, dearly, admired him, aspired to be like him in the near future. He recalled lonely nights at his room, when he was about ten, daydreaming about his future as a successful businessman, and wishing his father would just notice the effort he was making in order to get his approval. Even when he was a young boy his own _daddy _had disliked him. And it wasn't like he had paid a great deal of attention to his son, either. After several efforts, he just accepted the fact that his father was never going to be fond of him, and just quitted. He stopped trying to impress him, trying to demonstrate he was witty and capable, following his rules… he was about twelve when he made that decision.

He washed his face, rubbing his palms against his cheeks as though willing to rip the skin out with every movement. The drops of cold water tickled the exposed skin of his neck, causing him to shiver ever so slightly. He gripped the edges of the washbasin, the nippy porcelain cool to the touch, and lowered his head.

Going to that baptism meant having to give explanations, having to sit right next to Blair and Eric, having to speak to Lily. In a way, he wanted to apologise to her for having been so… rough towards her. It was simpler, blaming her for his father's death, instead of blaming himself. It had taken him months to accept the fact that no one could be blamed for the accident. Not even the weather. It was a fatal combination of circumstances what had caused Bart Bass' decease, and not the fact that Lily was dancing with that horrid Rufus person, or the fact that he had called him. He resented her for being in love with another man instead of his father, for having lied to him when she accepted his proposal, for having created the false illusion of a family and almost tricked him into believing he was a part of it. But still, he had burned the evidence of her mistakes, allowed the hate and bitterness towards her burn along with those files.

And then, Blair. How on earth was he going to confront her, to sit next to her? She had been… so astoundingly compassionate towards him. He had treated her horribly, and yet she still found it in her heart to forgive him and speak those three conflictive words out loud. And she had been so disappointed, so frustrated when he couldn't just say them back and let her in. And that night, when he had barged into her mother's wedding… Only in the safe enclosure of her arms had he felt tolerably good, or not that miserable. He recalled her faint Dior scent, the smoothness of her creamy skin, the way in which she had held him, tightly, in a desperate attempt to ease all his pain away… God, he loved her. But he couldn't even bring himself to say it. He knew they wouldn't last, he knew he'd eventually hurt her. It had never occurred to him that maybe, just maybe, he had made to many assumptions. He was so certain it wouldn't work between them that he had just given up on her as a girlfriend, trashed every possibility of a long lasting relationship, without even giving it a try. The outcomes may have surprised him.

He wanted to speak to her, to explain himself, to see her again…

That little girl was the last thing, apart from his fortune, Chuck himself and a few broken hearts, that his father had left on this Earth. Wouldn't he disapprove of him not attending the ceremony? Of course he would. It was odd, finding himself trying to comply an absent father who could no longer judge his actions (for good or for bad) and whose authority he had defied uncountable times—what had aroused that dreamlike sense of duty he had never experienced before? Maybe he was too drunk to keep his M.O. stable. Maybe he did care for the people around him, though he was willing to show the exact opposite to the rest of the world.

He was going to the baptism.

That was the last thought that crossed his mind as he rushed to the toilet and emptied his intoxicated stomach of its almost inexistent contents.

* * *

I am inclined to believe that Chuck's a bit out of character, so I will gladly accepy your constructive criticimn (assuming someone will actually read this fic) and suggestions. The first chapter is basically a character study on Chuck and his relationship with his father, Blair and the Van der Woodsens, so it might get a little boring. I promise you the next chapters will be more enjoyable.


	2. Chapter 2

So, here's chapter 2. Hope you enjoy it and thanks for the reviews for the previous chapter!

* * *

**Chapter II**

Chuck pressed the tip of the cold porcelain bell with trembling hands. He felt utterly pathetic, ringing the bell of his own house, like a guest, an intruder. He tapped his feet against the floor, waves of uneasiness and anxiety rushing through him. He had disappeared from the face of earth 8 months ago, and his farewell to the Van der Woodsens had not been particularly polite and affable. Quite the opposite, to be honest.

'Mr. Charles!' One of the maids greeted him enthusiastically, surprise in her eyes. No one had expected him to return, that was clear. Maybe Lily was waiting for him to back off, so that she could ask one of those hideous Humphreys to be Victoria's Godfather. He'd rather become Lily's favourite stepson instead of letting Daniel go near his sister. Because that little girl was her sister – no matter what, they shared a considerable amount of paternal DNA. She was a Bass. 'Please, do come in.'

Chuck stepped in, the former well-known rooms now alien to his eyes. The place no longer felt familiar, and he didn't know why. The pictures and the paintings were hanged on the same spots than before. The furniture hadn't been rearranged and the colour of the walls was unchanged. What was it?

He was heading upstairs, to his father's office. He didn't even know why. He wouldn't be there. Only the shadow of the successful businessman remained. He wished none of the Van der Woodsens would notice he was there until he was ready to talk to them; of course, his purpose could not be served, since they lived there.

'Charles?' Lily's voice called out to him, and he froze in the middle of the stairs. She seemed nervous, yet not disgusted.

'Lily,' he replied harshly and coldly. He wanted to forgive her, he wanted to forget everything, but he couldn't. God, he needed a drink.

'Well, I'm glad you came,' her voice was soft and calm. She was unwilling to quarrel.

'Don't flatter yourself; I just stopped by to meet Victoria. Last thing I need is a Humphrey being her Godfather.' He noticed how she stiffened at the mention of the last name, and how she tried to conceal her feelings by brushing imaginary hair out of her forehead and looking away

'Charles, I know we didn't part in the best of terms, but at least we can try to be civil to each other. For your little sister's sake.' She paused for a moment, 'After all, you're gonna become her Godfather tomorrow.'

Chuck took a few steps towards Lily, the sound of his footsteps echoing in the house, and stood next to her.

'Why me? Why not Eric?' He inquired 'I've been half dead for months, drinking like a madman, I called you a whore in front of all your acquaintances, you slapped me, I tried to blackmail you…I just don't get it.'

'Because, regardless of how I acted, I do care for you Charles, and I think we owe us a second chance,' she placed her right hand on his shoulder and squeezed it lightly. 'Please. You are Bart's son and Victoria's brother and godfather…'

Chuck frowned, reflecting on Lily's words. In a way, she was right, but… he just couldn't put everything behind and pretend everything was OK. He needed to think, to order his thoughts, before coming up with an answer.

'I'll think about it,' he retorted, and his voice came out strangely composed and serene. 'Can I see her now?'

A small smile lit Lily's features up as he led him to her room, where Victoria's cot was placed.

* * *

The tiny baby girl wrapped her diminutive fingers around Chuck's larger index one and he felt a genuine smile was curving his lips. He was kneeling next to the cradle, and Victoria Charlotte Bass was indeed a lovely baby, and she seemed so fragile that Chuck was afraid to hold her. He had never been very fond of babies. He thought they just made noise and bugged every one around them with their needs and whims, but something inside him melt at the sight of his sister.

'I'm gonna leave you two alone,' Lily spoke up and turned around to leave. He simply nodded, but a sudden doubt assaulted him.

'Serena's going to be her Godmother?' He asked.

'Last time I checked, yes,' she replied and then walked away from the room, leaving him alone with the kid, much to his distress. He didn't even know how he was supposed to hold her - - he was afraid she would break into a million pieces. What did people do with babies? Talk to them?

'No, little V, no baby talk from your brother,' he warned, leaning forward and letting her wrap her fingers around one of his own again. 'You're gonna be a blonde, let us hope you won't be a stupid whorish one,' he said, staring at the halo of blonde hair on the crown of her head.

Ok, he was getting soft. He was talking to a baby, for God's sake!

'Wow Chuck, you're already teaching her insults?' Serena's voice echoed inside the room and he turned around.

'If it ain't my favourite sister,' he mocked, standing up. He had nothing against Serena. Well, she had made out and probably even had sex with that hideous Daniel, and she had been indeed a real whore before, but still, they had known each other since infancy.

'Oh, cut the crap Chuck,' she answered, her voice rough as usual.

'I like it when you speak like a tramp in front of our godchild.'

'You think you can just show up and everything is gonna be OK? We were worried for you, you idiot!' Serena could no longer mask her anger. For months, her mother, Eric, Blair had been concerned about Chuck. He hadn't replied to their messages, or answered any of their calls. If it hadn't been for Jack Bass, he wouldn't even know that he had a sister.

'I told your mother I'd walk away as soon as the will was read, and that's what I did. No surprises,' he looked up at her defiantly, but Serena only realised that behind that façade he was deeply hurt. Something in his eyes suggested a vulnerability she had never seen in him before. Charles Bass, inheritor of Bass Industries. He used to walk with a self confidence nobody could match, speak in a way that made quite clear his father had built half of New York… without that reliable paternal figure, he seemed as lost as a little kid.

'How are you?' Serena asked, genuinely interested, and as she paced towards the cot and gently lifted Victoria from it. She made sure her petit head was safely secured against her arm.

'What do you care?' He retorted, his voice ruthless.

'Well, you were my stepbrother after all. And we share a godchild, remember? I'm sure I'm allowed to ask if you still drink 18 whiskies an hour.' Victoria fussed in her arms and she leaned forward and kissed her forehead lovingly. Chuck envied the effortlessness of her bond with their sister. It just felt so natural.

'No, I quit that three months ago. I'm fine,' he concluded, as though not willing to give any extra information on the subject. Serena took the hint. It was time for him to leave the house. He wanted to ask her how Blair was doing, but he couldn't gather enough courage…'See you tomorrow,' he added, casually, and exited the room.

He still hadn't taken 5 steps when he heard how Serena placed Victoria back on the cradle and fumbled for her Blackberry.

Well, it was only seconds until Blair found out he was back.

* * *

So, did u like it? I hope you did :)

Please, DO review.


	3. Chapter 3

Yei, here's chapter 3. I hope you enjoy it, I certainly enjoyed writing it.

Thanks for your reviews and for the Story Alerts, you make me happy : )

**Chapter 3**

Blair Waldorf sat on the edge of her bed, visibly confused. A perceptibly upset Serena had called her just ten minutes ago and told her the devil was back. And of course, by the devil she meant Charles Bass. She almost forgot she was supposed to inhale and exhale air if she wanted to stay alive and make it to Victoria's baptism.

She knew Lily had requested Chuck to be the godfather but, truth be told, she never thought he'd make it. Maybe she had underestimated his ability for genuinely caring for other human beings, but she was sure he wouldn't show up at the baptism… and now all her plans had been turned upside down.

She loved him, but he had put her through a lot of pain and suffering, and she wasn't sure if she was going to be able to stand it, all over again. He was a complicated man, of that she was more than aware. His father's death had only made everything worse, even more stinging. She wanted to hug him, once more, comfort him, soothe him to sleep… but at the same time she wanted to slap him, punish him for everything… how dared he, slip away at night without even waking her up and disappear for months? Maybe she deserved better, but he was no judge of that.

_I don't want anyone else. I want __**you**__._

That was the message she was trying to convey every time she called him, every time she tried to contact him over the past eight months. But he wouldn't listen. One or twice he had picked up the phone, but none of them had been able to speak. Small talk didn't suit them, especially at that time. They just listened to the regular rhythm of the other's breathing, not a word leaving their firmly pursed lips, until one of them hung up, not able to put up with the _stillness_ of the situation.

Chuck and Blair, those two crazy students who had a fierce passion for playing twisted games with other people's feelings and even their own feelings, who could come up with a witty and hurtful retort in the spur of the moment, condemned to a state in which none of them could utter a coherent phrase, not even a sarcastic one.

How ironic.

Blair stood up and walked around her room, the sound of her footsteps resonant inside the room- - if he was willing to make amends, why hadn't he called her? Why hadn't he announced his return? He knew it would upset her; he could have had the decency of not showing up the day prior to the baptism, but at least a week before, so that her nerves would be in a reasonable condition, if that was possible when he was around.

'Miss Blair,' she heard Dorota knocking at her door calmly 'Dinner time.'

Blair wondered how on earth she was going to endure the difficult chore of eating when her stomach was so revolted with anxiety and fear…

'Thank you, Dorota, but I'm not hungry at all,' she managed to reply with her usual composure. Maybe Serena had also told Dorota about Chuck, because she didn't insist on the subject, like she would have done any other day.

Oh God. She needed to think, she needed to sleep, and she needed to prepare herself for the epic moment of their reunion.

Because he owed her a conversation, and a crucial one.

* * *

'Mom?' Eric stepped into his mother's room. The lights were dim, and Victoria was sleeping peacefully in her cradle, her eyelids firmly closed and her little fists slightly clenched. But Lily was sitting on the edge of bed, covering her face with her hands. 'Are you OK?' He asked, concerned.

'I hardly know,' she replied, on the verge of tears. She didn't even know what she was feeling, her head spinning like one of those hideous rollercoaster Serena had been so fond of when she was a little child. Her youngster came to sit next to her and looped an arm around her shoulders, in an attempt at comforting her.

'What is it? I can't help you if you don't tell me.'

'It looks like you are not going to be Vicky's godfather after all,' she whispered, and placed her hand on her lap.

'What?' He spat out, confused. If he wasn't going to be the girl godfather, it meant… No, it wasn't possible. 'You mean Chuck is back?' He inquired, raising his eyebrows in a gesture of sheer surprise. Lily simply nodded, and Eric began to understand. 'Have you spoken to him?'

'He paid me a visit this afternoon,' was her response. 'We… talked.'

'Did he say horrible things?'

'No, he was just his usual deprecating self for a while and then he said he would think about giving this "family" a second chance.' She explained.

'But, mom, that's really good! We're talking about Chuck Bass, remember?' He chuckled. 'You can call it progress.' He added, remembering his last words to him.

'Oh, I know, it's just… exhausting.' She looked over at her daughter. She stirred in her sleep, but she didn't wake up. 'I never thought I would raise another fatherless child.' She sighed. She knew the conversation wasn't appropriate for her teenage son, but she needed to talk to someone and Eric was so mature, so understanding, that she tended to forget he was only a boy. 'I shouldn't be discussing this with you.'

'It's OK, mom. Really.' He stood up. 'I'm going back to bed. And you should do that too, you need to get some decent sleep before the baby is up.' He walked towards the door. 'Goodnight.'

Lily smiled weakly. 'Goodnight.'

* * *

Chuck stared at his phone.

Chuck pressed the speed dial for Blair.

Chuck changed his mind.

For the eleventh time in an hour.

He stared at the alarm clock (3 A.M.) and decided going back to bed was the most reasonable thing to do, though he was sure he'd not be able to get any sleep. The Palace suite he was staying in had a most comfortable bed, but his mind was too troubled.

He could really use a drink- - just one little soothing sip of delicious Scotch too calm his anxiety. No, no, no. He had to get past it. Alcohol was not going to help him stop thinking about the girl he loved; it'd probably make him do something terribly stupid like calling her, _drunk_. It was the last thing they needed.

They. He still thought about them like some sort of entity, couple, duet, or whatever.

Chuck and Blair.

Blair and Chuck.

He laid down to sleep, flipping his pillow over to get to the cold side, and snuggle against it. The atmosphere in the room was suddenly suffocating, and he needed to find some relief.

He closed his eyes and thought of Blair, of their last night together. He could still feel the soft and warm pressure of her tiny arm around him; smell her fragrance- - shampooed hair, warm skin, perfume.

He finally succumbed to sleep, a small smirk plastered on a sad face that was a vivid testimony of what he had been through.

* * *

Sorry, I know you were expecting some Blair/Chuck action, but I didn't want to rush things…I promise it'll be worth the wait : )

Love you. Oh, and suggest pet names for Victoria. V is too Vanessa like. I kinda like Vicky but it sounds a little odd... what do you think?

(Review, review, review, pwease *pouty face*? I'll give you a virtual cookie if you do )


	4. Author's Note

**Have yourself a merry little Christmas,  
Let your heart be light  
From now on,  
our troubles will be out of sight**

**Have yourself a merry little Christmas,  
Make the Yule-tide gay,  
From now on,  
our troubles will be miles away.**

**Here we are as in olden days,  
Happy golden days of yore.  
Faithful friends who are dear to us  
Gather near to us once more.**

**Through the years  
We all will be together,  
If the Fates allow  
Hang a shining star upon the highest bough.  
And have yourself A merry little Christmas now.**

Well, Merry Christmas to you all!

Thanks for your kind words and lovely reviews.

I promise I'll try to update this story tomorrow: consider it my Christmas present :)


	5. Chapter 4

**Chapter IV**

Chuck and Serena leaned forward, supporting Victoria's fragile tiny head with their hands, letting the Minister pour the holy water over her forehead. She whined a little bit, and uttered barely perceptible cries of uneasiness, which Chuck managed to mitigate by caressing the girl's soft rosy cheek and murmuring soothing words.

Even Serena had to admit that he had been wonderful. A Van der Bass crying out loud at her baptism was socially unacceptable.

Solemnly, and after the ritual had concluded, both of them returned to their spots, the baby fussing in Serena's arms, and after a short sermon, the whole ceremony ended.

* * *

Outside the church, it was sunny and slightly windy, a perfect autumn day. Chuck paced slowly towards the entrance, since he was holding Victoria now and he was afraid he would slip or lose his balance, until he was out of the building, an enormous crowd gathering around Serena, Eric, Lily, Victoria and him, congratulating Lily on the little girl, or pronouncing quite depressing phrases such as 'Oh, it's so sad Bart isn't here' or 'Bart always wanted a little girl.' He felt particularly upset by the last one, and was tempted to grab the woman who had said it by the shoulder and explain to her what a lousy father Bart Bass had been. And would have been. He liked to think he'd suck as a father to Victoria as well. It was comforting, in a way, thinking he was just not cut out for it.

He had done his best to avoid Blair's gaze inside the church, but now she was standing in front of her, looking as alluring as usual in a lovely outfit (probably Karl Lagerfeld's last creation) - - a trace of something that could only be described as melancholy had coloured her eyes, making her look even more enticing than before. Maybe his departure had been the cause of it, he wondered, not without remorse.

He had to say hi, for the sake of courtesy. He knew she was watching him out of the corner of her eyes, much like he had done with her every movement since he entered that goddamn church and spotted her.

He paced towards her. She was talking to a random guy, probably a friend of her family, and she appeared quite bored by the bloke's conversation. She kept answering 'yes' and 'no' in a monotonous voice to each question he asked. It was the perfect moment to approach her, surrounded by people, when her upbringing forced her to be pleasant to every one, no matter how much she hated them. Greeting her scared the crap out of him, but if he wanted to make amends, being the first one to talk would surely help. He tapped her shoulder gently, and after mumbling 'Excuse me' to the chap, turned around, the fruity scent of her shampoo and perfume filling the air around him for a brief second.

'Blair,' he managed to say, in a barely audible whisper and a somewhat husky voice.

She stiffened, anger, hurt, disappointment and finally, something warm and tender he could not name, flashing through her eyes in a mad sequence.

'Charles,' was her cold answer. He could not really blame her. He deserved being given the cold shoulder for the rest of his life. But… Charles? That was a bit far-fetched. Only his father and Lily called him Charles. Every one had called him Chuck since he was in pre school; in fact, he was positive Blair had invented the nickname. 'How are you?' She asked. Her voice was still cold, but its slight tremor gave away the fact that her question was genuine. She really wanted to know.

He recalled her words, the words that had grounded him during those rough months of detox and grieve

_The worst thing you've ever done, the darkest thought you've ever had.__ I will stand by you through __**anything**_**.**

He knew she had meant it, with all her heart.

In fact, Blair had been quite close to hug him and cry happily on his shoulder. She was so glad he was doing better. He looked sad and even older, but he was sober, he had been nice to the baby and to Lily and Serena… he still was the Chuck she loved so much it hurt, the guy who could act like a bastard and then be the first one to offer his help in a particularly delicate subject. She would stand by him through anything, but not right then. After all, she still remained Blair Waldorf, and she had to keep her dignity.

'Not bad,' Chuck replied, more uncomfortable than before. 'And you?'

'Perfectly well. Now, if you excuse me, I have to go find Serena,' she walked away hastily, leaving him behind with a half smile plastered on his face.

She had been cold and distant (and he deserved it) but…How he had missed her!

* * *

Serena was having a nice polite conversation with an old friend of Bart's when Blair, in between polite smiles and rushed apologies, grabbed her by the shoulder and dragged her away from the crowd.

'What is it?' Serena asked, worried.

'Well, isn't it obvious? Chuck is it. Chuck.' She sounded infuriated, maddened- - Serena almost feared for her mental sanity.

'What happened, B?'

'Well, he thinks he can just disappear from the face of earth for 8 months and then return and say 'Hi' as if nothing had happened between us.' She paused for a moment, trying to regain control of her emotions. 'Does he really expect me to forget everything?'

Serena frowned and stared at Blair for a moment, trying to find the right words to convey her thoughts.

'You know, I spoke to Chuck yesterday, and he seemed… I don't know…different.'

'Different? He's an ass, and he'd never change.' _And that's why I liked him in the first place_.

'You don't want him to change,' Serena retorted, reading her mind. 'You fell for him when he was disgusting.' She chuckled.

'Serena, back to the point,' Blair said, snapping her fingers swiftly. ' You said different. Different good or different bad?'

'Different vulnerable. You know, I think he's trying to do the right thing. For once,' she added. 'I think he even spoke to Eric before the baptism, about what happened before he left.'

'Oh.'

Blair was silent for a moment. Serena looked around nervously and caught the image of her mother, Chuck and Eric standing beside her, the latter holding the baby, gesturing towards the car with great energy.

'Look B, I have to go. I see you at the reception, Mom's freaking out.' She began to walk in the direction of the limo, but suddenly spin in order to face Blair again. 'I promise we'll talk this over.'

Blair watched Serena as she made her way to the car, avoiding Chuck's gaze. If she was right, then she probably didn't stand a chance at surviving a Chuck-charm attack. Bastard Chuck was alluring enough, but regretful, hurt, Chuck was simply overwhelming.

She'd know. That night, he seemed so lost and confused she just had to hold him close to her, to her heart. She forgot about his unkindness, his cold manners, the brutal way in which he had rejected her, in less than a second- - it didn't matter. The only thing that counted was that he was unhappy and bewildered, and that he had trusted her, that he had needed _her_.

And he seemed better, but she was no fool.

She knew something still disturbed him. She could see it in his eyes, in the dark circles around them.

But she couldn't bring herself to forgive him instantly- - Her pride had been deeply offended (and something even more profound and meaningful that it, but she wasn't willing to acknowledge it right away) and he had to pay the price. Eventually, she would forgive him. She knew it. She just needed time.

* * *

So, did you like it? I **finally** got my hands into CB action and I'm happy about that, even though it wasn't that great. Just a warm-up.

Please, do review and suggest anything you want.

Thanks for your reviews so far.


	6. Chapter 5

**Chapter V**

'You are quite good,' Lily remarked casually as she walked past Chuck, who was holding Victoria. The little girl had been crying for the last fifteen minutes of the reception at the Van der Woodsen's, former Van de Bass', suite, and only Chuck had been able to soothe her.

Chuck smiled involuntarily, for the first time in many months. Apparently, little Victoria was the only person around who really liked him and had no prejudices about him. Apart from that, the fact that someone was recognising he was doing something well was really nice, for a change.

'You think?'

'Oh, yes, indeed. It appears that she never cries when you are around,' Lily replied with a small and warm smile. She and Chuck were getting along incredibly well, especially considering their past.

Chuck simply nodded and walked away in search of Serena. Victoria didn't seem at ease with that huge baptism dress, exquisitely embellished with Brussels' lace, but too heavy and uncomfortable for a two months old baby. She ought to have her clothes changed, and he didn't want to bother Lily with nuisances when she had a house full of guests to attend. He finally spotted her, standing in a corner, having a conversation with…

'Humphrey, always a pleasure to see you,' he spat out harshly, granting him a mischievous Bass look. Dan took the hint and mumbled something that sounded like 'I better leave now' and proceeded to leave them alone. How dare he? Show up at his sister's baptism?

'Chuck, stop it. It's not his fault that…' Serena scolded him in an almost maternal tone.

'I know. I just despise him, as usual.'

Serena rolled her eyes and asked in a not very polite way. 'What do you need?' She was tired of Chuck's sarcasm when it came to Dan. He was a friend of the family, and he had to accept it, whether he liked it or not.

'Woah, someone's pissed because I dismissed her boyfriend,' he chuckled. Teasing Serena was fun, even after all this months.

'He's _not_ my boyfriend, Chuck. What do you need?'

'Victoria needs decent clothes. This dress is ridiculous. She's been crying for the last 20 minutes. The guests didn't seem to please, _sis_.' He explained, handing her the baby quite gracefully. Serena took Victoria in her arms and turned around, pacing for Lily's bedroom promptly.

* * *

Blair, hiding in a corner, stared at Chuck in disbelief.

Where had he learned to behave around _babies_? Of all people, he was the last one she had imagined to be good with kids.

Nate had little cousins, Humphrey was a big brother, and that explained everything.

But Chuck? That was an unknown side of him. The ruthless, insensitive bastard was now a model godfather? Had the world gone mad?

Surely. That was the only thing that could explain why she was feeling so damn dizzy every time she thought Chuck's gaze was fixed on her. It was the only thing that could explain why he was there, and why he had spoken to her. God, she needed a break.

She caught a glimpse of Serena's retreat and decided she should follow her. Making sure Chuck wasn't around, she followed her to Lily's room.

'Oh B, you scared me,' Serena exclaimed when she turned around in order to shut the door and almost collided with Blair.

'Sorry. I just needed to talk to you in a Chuck-free environment.' She let out a sigh, then added. 'And what on earth are you doing her with little Victoria?' She took a sit on the bed.

'I'm going to change her into something comfortable,' she explained, while grabbing a diminutive piece of clothing from one of the drawers. It was a lovely white dress.

'Little Victoria needs a pet name, S.' Blair smiled, staring at the little girl as Serena changed her.

'I know, but I can't think of any good ones. Eric suggested Vicky, but we are not convinced. Nate suggested Tori, but it reminds me of a horrible movie I saw when I was small… I don't know why Mom called her Victoria. Charlotte is nicer.' Serena finished changing Victoria and beamed. 'There you are.'

'Are you insane, S? Little kids tend to call every Charlotte Chuck. Do you really want another Chuck Bass in your life?'

Serena laughed out loud. 'That's so true. No more Chucks, one is more than enough,' she sat next to Blair, the baby comfortably dozing off in her lap. 'Have you two even talked?' Serena inquired, voicing her concern for Blair.

'No, S, we haven't. And I don't think we will.'

'B, you need to talk.'

'And you say that because you don't know the entire story,' Blair fidgeted with one of her perfectly combed curls.

'What?! B, you told me that was all. We're supposed to tell each other everything, remember?' Serena scolded her.

Blair sighed. She was not going to tell Serena about the episode at her mother's wedding… it was a treasured memory she wanted to keep to herself.

'I may have accidentally told Chuck I loved him,' Blair pursed her lips and stared blankly at the floor, blushing ever so slightly. 'And before you get all excited and happy, _no_, he did not say it back and he practically walked out on me.' She fought back the tears that threatened to ruin her make up, and stood up.

'B, you have to understand him. He was upset, he was drunk... I know we're talking about Chuck Bass, iron man, but I know he cares for you,' Serena walked towards the crib, holding the now deeply asleep Victoria.

'I never felt so humiliated in my entire life,' was Blair mildly cold reply. Serena could not understand her. She was in love with Dan Humphrey, who was practically her slave, and who clearly didn't have any issues when it came to expressing his feelings… he was not damaged, like Chuck. 'I need something to drink,' she headed for the door, her heels clicking against the floor.

* * *

Blair soon discovered dry Martinis were not the key to happiness. After having three of them, she was still as miserable as before. She wanted to go home, lie in bed covered in blankets, and disappear from the face of Earth until Chuck Bass was out of town. There he was, chatting to old acquaintances, smirking, being his old self… and not once had he approached her again, not once had he told her what she expected to hear. _I'm sorry_.

It was as simple as that.

Those months without him had been the closest thing to torture Blair had experienced in her entire life. She didn't even know if he was alright, in one piece. It had been horrible, nearly devastating. And she had kept her feelings to herself, not willing to reveal the extent of her disgrace to anybody… stupid, stupid, Chuck.

And then, he saw him, making his way through the crowd- - he was coming to her. She looked around. She was alone. And Chuck, looking quite dashing in his retro tux, was eyeing at her gravely. She could only hear the sound of his footsteps resonant in the room…

'Blair,' his voice sounded strangely pleading. That was not Chuck. Chuck did not plead, he ordered, commanded.

'Chuck,' she acknowledged his presence with an almost imperceptible nod. She noticed he was holding a glass of water.

He leaned forward, until his hot breath was tickling the skin of her neck- - _don't give in!_—and whispered, in that rough voice.

'We need to talk,' he attempted to grab her hand.

'I can walk by myself, Chuck,' she spat out harshly, pulling away from him, but nonetheless granting him the right to a conversation.

'I know,' he replied, the shadows of a smirk coming into view in his handsome features.

He headed for Bart's office, and Blair followed him, climbing the steps of the stairs under Nate's worried gaze. Truth be told, she was almost happy… maybe Chuck had something to say to her, something she had waited long enough to hear… the rational side of her brain was telling her not to get her hopes up, it was grieving Chuck Bass she was dealing with, while the non rational side refused to accept any sensible thought and was dying of anticipation…

He opened the door for her, and let her in before entering the room himself. They faced each other for a moment, and Blair spoke up, her heart beating dangerously fast.

'You brought me here. Is that were your master plan ends?'

* * *

**A/N:** So, chapter V is here at last. It took me a while, since I didn't know what to write, and then my computer went wild and nothing worked properly, so a technician had to fix it, blah blah blah.

Anyway, I know the cliffie sucks, but I did my best!

Hope you like it and please review. I'm opeb to your suggestions :)


	7. Chapter 6

**Chapter VI**

"First of all,' Chuck replied conceitedly "I didn't force you to join me… you came because you wanted to,' He made sure he had stressed the word _wanted_ properly.

Blair was rather amazed. How could he still play those stunts on her, when he had acted like a complete and total bastard? What was even more infuriating was that her knees went week… she told herself it had nothing to do with his unquestionable sex appeal, but with the fact that he was back, teasing her like always. She had missed that kind of interaction, the arrogance in his manners, the way his eyes darkened every time he looked at her, how he would arch his eyebrows after every innuendo-comment… in other words, _him_.

'You said you wanted to talk to me,' she looked away from his captivating gaze.

He leaned against Bart's old desk and searched his pockets for a cigarette. After finding one, he lit it up and took a drag, slowly, as though thinking carefully about what he was going to say. He was nervous, and the tobacco was not helping him at all. He wasn't very good at expressing his feelings. Maybe it was because he didn't want to get hurt, or because no one had taught him how to. He didn't recall any demonstration of love by his father, or uncle… maybe, if his mother had lived… but she hadn't.

The tension between them grew with each second of uncomfortable silence. Chuck put out the cigarette and throw it away, the smoke, he thought, numbing his senses.

Blair took a few steps closer to Chuck.

'What is it?' She asked, her voice soft, and worried. Chuck's face was inches away from hers, dangerously close, but she didn't care. He seemed lost and confused, and she had to be there for him. A promise was a promise. She found herself placing her hand on his shoulder and running her hand up and down his arm. He shivered at the contact.

He hadn't expected her to touch him. And she was so close to him, her perfume filling the air, kissing her would have been so damn easy… but he didn't deserve it, he didn't deserve her.

'I…' He was babbling like a little kid, and hated it fiercely. Blair's delicate hand lay on his upper arm. 'Blair, I'm… I'm…sorry.'

She froze. Was Chuck Bass _apologising_ to her?

Yes, the world had gone mad. Of course, she was entitled to an apology- - but she never expected it to materialise. It was Chuck, after all. The Bass way surely didn't encompass awkward apologies.

'You are?' Blair inquired in a somewhat cracked voice, removing her hand from his arm in one fluid motion. I'm sorry. The words seemed so empty. 'Where were you?' She could no longer mask her anger.

He regained his composure. 'I came here to apologise to you, and this is how you treat me? Your ancestors must be proud,' his tone was harsh. He knew he didn't have the right to be angry at her, but he hated that Blair couldn't see he was making an effort- - a colossal effort.

"And what did you expect, Chuck? Blair was nearly shouting 'A hug? A kiss? A welcome party? You left me wondering if you were _alive_.' She was out of breath. 'When you showed up at my mother's wedding, I thought we were going somewhere. And then, I woke up and you were gone, and you had left me that…that ridiculous note. Do you have any idea of how I felt?' She was _not_ going to cry in front of him.

'Blair, I'm sorry. I really am. But do you have any idea of how I was feeling?' He sounded so hurt that Blair almost regretted having reacted like that. Almost.

'Yes. No. No, because you wouldn't tell me,' tears were rolling down her cheeks. It didn't matter anymore. 'I wanted to help you, I was there for you… and you walked out on me.'

'Blair, don't you understand?'

'What else do I have to understand? I've put up with so much, Chuck.' She looked at him directly in the eye. 'You have no idea.'

'So, you're just giving up on me?' Anger took hold of him. Now even Blair was abandoning him? He wanted to make amends, but if she wasn't willing to forgive him, then it would be impossible.

She stared at him in disbelief. 'What? No, Chuck, I'm not. I wish I could, but what I said when you left the funeral… I really meant it.' She was still crying. 'I'm not going anywhere. But it looks as if you are the one giving up on me.'

She was right. He had disappeared and left her that note. That stupid note. He had refused to confess to his feelings for her, feeling that had been constantly flourishing ever since that night at Victrola. He still wasn't sure that he could speak those three words out loud. But he was sure couldn't give up on Blair. The disappointed expression on her face overflowed him with an irrepressible desire for mending whatever had gone wrong between them.

Instead of speaking, he let his actions speak for himself- - at that field he was more proficient. He took a step forward, and before Blair could protest, he wrapped his arms around her and drew her close. One of his hands rested on the small of her back, the other one was tangled in her soft brown hair. Not without fear, he realised there was no place he'd rather be.

Blair, despite her best efforts, found out she couldn't quite pull away from him, free herself from his tight and snug embrace. Instead, she let him hold her, the heat coming from his body, the scent of his cologne, comforting, familiar, cherished and missed. She forgot about her pride, about everything, as he held her, and wished Chuck Bass could hug her on a daily basis. Not that she was ever going to say that out loud.

Out of the blue, he was whispering something in her ear.

'You need kissing badly,' he mimicked Clark Gable. God, he was such an ass. But at least he was back, with all his conceit and smarmy retorts. She knew he was still in pain, she could see it in his eyes, but at least the man embracing her was not a chalk outline of Chuck.

'Nice try, Bass, but you know _Gone with the Wind_ is not my cup of tea,' she mumbled into his neck.

'I know, just as I know "The rain in Spain stays mainly on the plains",' he laughed quietly.

She pulled away from him, shocked.

'Have you seen _My Fair Lady_?' She asked, her voice high-pitched.

'Against my will, but I did,' he smirked. 'When I was about ten, I my father hired a ludicrous babysitter who made me watch it. Along with _The Sound of Music_. She was hot, though.'

Blair let out a small chuckle, and moved away from him swiftly, scared of what she might do if she stayed in the room for too long. In a desperate attempt to retain her, he took hold of her hand. 'I have to go back to the reception, Chuck. I promise Serena I will help her with some stuff,' she lied, not willing to confess she was actually afraid.

'Oh, Serena, my charming ex-stepsister,' his voice was suddenly filled with bitterness, and he let go of her hand quite reluctantly.

'Chuck, you can't imagine how worried Serena, Eric and Lily were. They care for you. You can't just ignore the fact for the rest of your life.'

She made her way to the door, and before Chuck could utter another word, exited the room, feeling quite content with the result of their talk. She should probably freshen up before returning to the party, since her small display of feelings had surely ruined her make up…

* * *

**A/N:** I think I nearly drowned in OOCness, but I couldn't help myself… and just so you know, Blair has not forgiven Chuck yet. They will probably have a much more serious conversation in the following chapter. I got carried away, sorry.

Like always, thanks for your reviews. I'm glad you like my fic :)

Oh, and a few days ago I met an English girl called Victoria. Her friends and family call her Totty, and she comes from a very traditional English family... I thought it was a cute pet name, isn't it? It's not as common as Vicky, and I like it better than Tori, though I can't imagine Lily calling her Totty. What do you think?


End file.
